A Pirate's Guide to Parenthood
by Baroon
Summary: In a less-than-childproof world, mothers and fathers need something unbreakable to rely on when life isn't like it is in the nursery rhymes.  Frobin & lots of Nakamaship
1. Meet the Robot Demon Pervert Family

_**A/N:** My first One Piece fic, which seems totally bizarre considering how long I've been a fan, and how many different ideas I've had before this one. In a nutshell, it's a big squishy heap of Frobin/Nakamaship which is going to end up running about 4 or 5 chapters long, set sometime in the future when the Strawhats are in the middle of the New World. Reviews are loved, and I will do my darnedest to get the next chapter up quickly once I figure out how the hell to properly write Luffy's character._

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><p><strong>A Pirate's Guide to Parenthood<br>**

**Chapter 1: Meet the Robot Demon Pervert Family**

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><p>It was a perfect technicolor summer morning when Robin had approached him, sun in her eyes, a spark of a blush on her cheeks, and a quiver in her voice that he had never heard before, to tell Franky that he was going to be a father.<p>

Beyond the single, brief moment of quiet that followed, Franky had forgotten almost everything. What he did remember was a lot of heat in the conduits that lined the inside of his cheeks. Then gravity. Then his wife's voice saying something that sounded like his name, the rail of the Sunny on his back, and then ocean everywhere. Lungs full of seawater and a strangled scream of some emotion he couldn't quite place. Spinning. Sinking. Black.

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><p>When the metallic pounding in the cyborg's head told him he was conscious, he instantly noticed that he was soaked to the bone and wrapped in the big fluffy quilt Robin and Nami had labored over for Chopper's last birthday (pink, as per the little reindeer's preference—as if fainting and falling overboard hadn't been humiliating enough.) He assumed, based on the fact that his feet were hanging well over the edge of the short bed, that he was in the infirmary.<p>

Then he heard sniffles and little noises that sounded more like they came from a wounded baby chick than a person, realizing with a sudden surge of protective instinct that his youngest comrade was crying at his bedside.

"W-why –_hic_- didn't he come get a checkup like I – _hic_- told him to before – _sniff_ – th-th-this happened?" Chopper gurgled between sobs, burying his face in the patchwork cloth covering Franky's reclining torso and beating his little hoof on the bed in frustration. "Why did I – _sob_ – believe him when he s-s-said cyborgs don't get siiiiick….?"

"Calm down, Chopper. He's perfectly healthy, he's just in shock."

A voice. Her voice. _She's pregnant. We're going to have a baby. Oh God I'm going to be a dad I can't handle this what am I going to do if I'm an unsuper dad— _

"What happened to him, Robin? Did you fight? Are you getting divorced? _Is it our fault?"_

"No, everything is fine." And her husband knew she was trying to calm Chopper down when he heard the soft smile in her voice—the smile that came out on those cozy nights when the whole crew would pile on the couple's bed, and Robin would read them one of the lighter books on her shelf, and Franky would start bawling over the poor main character's super-touching backstory.

He could almost hear her folding her hands in her lap, poising herself. "I told him the news immediately when I heard from you," she said slowly (at which point Franky felt oddly miffed that he was the third member of the crew to know about the birth of his first child.) "Perhaps it was too big of an announcement to deliver so casually—I was careless. It was natural for him to react that way."

A moment passed, and even with his eyes closed, he could perfectly picture Chopper's slightly hurt, confused expression. "But Franky loves you, Robin. Why wouldn't he be happy that you're having a baby?"

In those few words, Franky felt the guilt grab hold of every part of him that was human, twisting with a grip like a steel crane to make sure he felt it.

He was beyond happy—he was overjoyed to the point of weeping and writing a super-power-ballad-serenade about it. To say that the fantasy of Nico Robin with ten sets of arms full of ten of his children hadn't been in his thoughts since long before their engagement would be a point-blank lie. And Franky—fearless, unabashed, pantless Franky— was nothing if not super honest.

And yet, here and now, all he could picture was Robin's pretty, smart, super-cute little boy or girl, and how terrifyingly easy it would be to hurt something so tiny and fragile when its father's hand was a steel behemoth three times the size of its body.

He would never be able to live with himself if he messed this up.

Robin held her breath for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was low, tentative, as if she were searching for a way to make each word as painless as possible to say.

"Perhaps… he doesn't think we're fit to be parents."

The sadness in her voice pierced through the metal plate in his chest and straight into his heart before he could fully process the meaning of her sentence. But then a single word hit him like Puffing Tom had all those years ago.

_We_.

He sat bolt upright in the bed, like a giant spring in his back had popped out and flung him forward, up, and into absolute certainty.

"RRRRRROOOOOOBIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!"

The archaeologist froze as her previously unconscious husband rocketed into a sitting position, gritting his teeth and holding his arms over his head with a hundred times the energy of his usual, already raucous posing routine. Chopper's eyes were like dinner plates, seemingly torn between concern for Franky's mental health and awe at the raw display of cool unfolding before him.

The cyborg propelled himself to his feet instantaneously, metal plates weighing heavily on the mattress and causing the wooden bed frame to bow ever so slightly. He flung his arms into a macho pose, staring his flabbergasted wife down in her seat beside the bed.

"WE LOVE EACH OTHER, IDIOT," he bellowed, now attempting to shout through the buckets of tears spilling all over his face, "… SO OUR ROBOT DEMON PERVERT FAMILY… WILL BE SUPER NO MATTER WHAT!"

Franky's chest heaved, and suddenly he felt like all of the cola had been drained from his system, flopping down cross-legged on the bed. His blushing, tearful gaze darted from Robin's eyes to the floor and back again— a little embarrassed, but anxious to see some kind of reaction from the currently blank expression of the woman he loved.

She blinked. She opened her mouth as if to say something.

Then there was that look on her face—the one he'd been getting from her almost every day since he set off homemade fireworks that spelled out "will you marry me?" over the open seas of the New World.

It was the look that said she couldn't believe she was agreeing with something so stupid. Couldn't believe how lucky she was.

For once, she was the one crying, wrapping several pairs of arms around his torso, and thanking him between kisses for being so super. Chopper just blushed and pulled his hat over his eyes.

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><p>Thank you for reading! =)<p> 


	2. The Forecast

_A/N: First of all, thank you SO much for the incredibly kind reviews- I was so surprised and happy that this was received so well, and can't thank you all enough for your compliments and words of encouragement. I'm having a blast writing this, so it means a lot to hear that others are enjoying the ride as well. C: _

_Secondly, many, many apologies for taking so long with the new chapter. I suffered from a bit of writer's block, and wasn't sure how to handle this particular point in the story- things are gonna get pretty crazy from this point forward, so I wanted to make sure I got it exactly right to set all of that up. I don't know if I succeeded in that venture, but if you guys enjoy it, then that's good enough for me. =)_

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><p>Some people called it a sixth sense. Some people called it witchcraft. Some people said she was a robot alien sent to earth to use her interstellar climate radar to determine whether the planet had an acceptable atmosphere for breeding glixnardosaurs (or maybe that was just Usopp). But whatever the cause, the world knew all about Cat Burglar Nami and her uncanny ability to forecast even the most undetectable storms.<p>

What they didn't know was that her skills were not just limited to meteorology.

Nami had a nose for trouble like Luffy had a nose for meat (and after years of training, Luffy could smell meat from about twelve islands away). So when she caught Robin straddling Franky to the floor, grinning like a teenager and tickling him purple with six sets of her arms—well, the navigator didn't have to be a robot alien for her something-is-up-radar to flare up a little bit.

At first she decided to let it slide—maybe Robin just wanted to spice things up a bit, though Nami couldn't see why the marriage of a cyborg and a woman who could clone every part of her body would ever need any more spice.

But that was before she found them on their bed after dinner that night, with the door wide open, and you could hear the redhead's jaw hit the floor when she realized what they were doing.

They were all cuddled up in their big purple comforter—Robin sitting between Franky's legs, leaning contentedly against his chest—and there was a look of intense concentration on his face as he leaned over her shoulder, steadied his hands, and _painted her freaking toenails._

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><p>"He was even <em>fanning the damn nail polish,<em> like the fumes were gonna give her the Black Lung or something. I mean, who does he think he's married to?" Nami hissed, waving one hand to punctuate her accusations while she steadied her telescope with the other.

Zoro gave her a deadpan stare from his seated position on the crow's nest floor, clearly trying to decide whether or not he would get in trouble for leaving her to her delusions. After several long moments of watching the navigator fiddle with the knobs of her treasured instrument (she was too obsessively focused to care that he hadn't responded to her rant), he finally spoke.

"... So you woke me up to tell me that Robin is a sadist, and Franky is a whipped pansy," he said slowly, cocking an eyebrow before disgruntledly covering his eyes with his sweat towel. "… thought there was some actual news, forfuckssake-"

"_Oh dear God."_

The horrified tone of her voice was the only cue Zoro needed to spring to his feet and search the horizon for the object of her terror, preparing to pounce and maim whatever monstrosity was ahead. "What's wrong?"

Nami took a step back from the telescope.

"… They're fucking _knitting together."_

"… No they're not."

She shoved him toward the telescope, face white as a sheet, indicating a silent "see for yourself." He looked at her like she had just broken out into an unprompted tap dance, then obliged.

Sure enough, there they were, seated across from one another at one of the small tables on the grassy deck. Robin held a pair of long golden needles, gracefully winding them around one another as rows of yellow fabric seemed to materialize at her fingertips. Franky, on the other hand, was having much less luck, even with a spare pair of his wife's hands holding onto his and attempting to guide his clumsy needlework— on the table in front of him was a pile of something that looked like innards made of bright blue yarn, with some brown patchwork thrown in here and there.

Zoro stepped back, looking like he had just witnessed something dirty. Nami rubbed her temples, unconsciously pacing around and around the circular room.

"… I'll go get Luffy."

"DO NOT get Luffy." Nami whirled on him ferociously, the fire in her eyes making Zoro flinch a little.

"… Come again?"

"You underestimate that idiot. He'll waltz right up to them and ask _why_ they're acting like… like _Sanji_," she shuddered, the mental image of Robin and Franky skipping across the deck chanting _"Mellorine, Mellorine, Mellorine~"_ making her blood run cold. "We have to be quiet about this—it's Robin we're talking about here, she's not going to just _tell_ us what they're up to."

Zoro was unconvinced. "And Franky?"

"Franky is the only man on this ship getting laid, and I think he'd like to keep it that way."

He frowned. "… Point taken."

The navigator picked up her telescope, wringing it dangerously as she walked to the door with fierce purpose. "If they think they can keep secrets on _my _ship, they're dead wrong. I won't rest until we figure out exactly what they're hiding…"

She stopped when she noticed Zoro reclining on the floor next to the weights, preparing to take a post-training catnap, and kicked him hard in the side. The swordsman shot straight upright with an uncharacteristically squeaky sound and a spectacular string of curses.

"When I said _we_," she growled, staring him down, "I meant _everybody_ is helping out with this, or I'm adding ten thousand berries to their already _long-overdue debt_."

Zoro's eye twitched. And as Nami leered at him with nothing less than murder in her eyes, all he could do was pray to whoever was listening that this espionage scheme would end without awkwardness, incident, or that goddamn cook.

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><p><em>Thank you for reading!<em>


	3. Spyrates

_AN: Monster Chopper… meet my MONSTER CHAPTER. ;D_

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<br>Spyrates**

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><p>"T… tonight?"<p>

"Yes, tonight."

"D… don't you think we should wait until we get to the next island? You know, so they can chill out a little bit before we drop the bomb on them—"

"Franky," the archaeologist glanced up from the flawless little needlepoint blanket she was knitting, and he felt her extra pair of hands tighten around his own, "they need to know now."

"I'm just saying, they're less likely to freak out if we get them hammered first."

This made Robin smile, and for a split second he thought he might win for once. But then she returned to her work, one disembodied hand pointing to Franky's jumbled needlepoint, and there was a devilish glint in her eye as she offhandedly noted that "socks generally have a hole in the top."

Her husband turned cherry-red, slamming his hands down to cover the nest of blue knots he had hoped was starting to look something like a baby-booty.

"D-don't change the subject, you," he spluttered, blushing far too furiously to be intimidating. "You know as well as I do that those guys aren't going to like a lot of the changes around here. Like Sanji—he's gonna have to quit smoking now that you're pregnant, 'cause I'll be damned if I have to freakin' _wave_ the fumes away every time he lights up, like I did with that stupid, toxic-ass nail polish…"

"Don't be dramatic, dear."

"I AM AS COOL AS A _SUPER_ CUCUMBER, DAMN IT."

Franky continued to rant loudly about how un-dramatic he was for about two minutes, then proceeded to sing a song about a very super cucumber and its uncool wife.

Robin tried to hide her laughter behind her fingertips. Naturally, this attempt ended catastrophically—she was quickly in a fit of giggles, clapping right along with the theatrical strums of his guitar.

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><p>In the crow's nest, Nami paced back and forth, muttering violent things and fantasizing about killing everyone, as usual.<p>

That asshole Zoro was taking forever—and to make matters worse, Franky appeared to be singing, with that stupid guitar she thought she had destroyed ages ago.

So when not one, but four of her crewmates climbed up the ladder and into her midst, she decided to crack skulls first and ask questions immediately afterward.

"I tell you to go _under the radar_ to steal Usopp's baby Transponder Snails and get them set up_,_ and you come back fuck-late with _these_ morons?" She gestured to Usopp and Brook, who were still recovering from the thrashing they had just received, and Sanji, whose visible head injury didn't stop him from gleefully gawking at her ass. "What the hell have you been doing for the past twenty minutes?"

"I got you the goddamn snail, didn't I?" Zoro held out a Transponder Snail about the size of Nami's Log Pose in his open palm, frowning.

"And you put the other one exactly where I told you to?"

"This deviant did," Zoro said plainly, gesturing to Sanji (who snapped out of his lovestruck stupor long enough to shoot him a death glare). "He snuck it under their table while he was kissing Robin's ass."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, MARIMO," the chef bellowed, then proceeded to huddle in the corner and hug his knees, distinctly sobbing, "oh Robin-chan, please forgive me for intruding on your privacy, but I must find out if that shitty cyborg is treating you like anything less than the empress of the goddesses…"

Nami ignored him. "Well, as long as we have a way to listen in on them, then I don't really care. Just as long as _you_ idiots," she rounded on Usopp, Brook, and Sanji, "don't breathe a _word _of this to anyone. Especially not Luffy."

"Yes ma'am!" Brook saluted her chipperly, which only served to piss her off more. "Besides, Luffy-san and Chopper-san are currently occupied with a fascinating game called 'Truth or Dare,' in which one player recommends various insects for the other player to consume. It truly made my skin crawl! Though I have no skin. YOHOHOHOHOHO-"

"Wait, wait, shut the hell up, they're talking again. Usopp, turn it on!"

Usopp raised an eyebrow at her. "I'll take this as a reminder to never make you suspicious, ever," he muttered, then pressed a tiny button on the snail's shell, a static sound and the low rumble of Franky's voice confirming that the connection was successful.

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><p>"… all I'm saying is that there's gonna be a helluva lot of crying around here, and Zoro's gonna slaughter somebody if it interrupts his beauty sleep."<p>

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><p>Usopp and Sanji fell over cackling, and Zoro stared at the snail with murder in his eyes. Nami shushed them, one eye glued to her telescope lens as she listened, brows furrowed in confusion. <em>Crying<em>?

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><p>Robin glanced up from her handiwork with a coy smile. "That's what you're concerned about?"<p>

"Oh come on, don't act like you're not a little bit freaked out about how they'll react to this little _shift in the ranks_. Sanji's gonna maim me when he hears this shi-" Franky stopped, glancing down at something between them, a twinge of what looked like guilt crossing his features. "-stuff. News."

His wife smiled fondly, then refocused her attention on her knitting needles. "You're forgetting that Sanji walked me down the aisle. I think he can handle this."

"You're nuts."

"And he wants what's best for both of us."

"But only one of us has boobs."

"All of them," she said sternly, her expression full of conviction and sincerity, "want what's best for both of us. They understand that our future takes priority. If that means we have to make sacrifices to build that future, then they'll be supportive of that."

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><p>"I WILL ALWAYS BE SUPPORTIVE OF YOU ROBIN-CHWAN~!"<p>

Nami was far too distracted to kill Sanji as he pranced around the room with spritely grace. What bothered her was the way Robin had thrown out the word "sacrifices." And what did they think was going to upset Sanji (even more than giving away his precious Robin-chan on her wedding day)?

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><p>"Darling," Robin said with a light smile, softly grasping the unsteady metal hands holding the needles, "relax. Deep down, they must have known this would happen when we got married."<p>

"But what if-"

The cyborg's eyes darted around the deck, looking for potential eavesdroppers. Finally, he leaned in closer, practically nose-to-metal-nose with his patiently listening wife, unaware that a Transponder Snail was mouthing his every word.

"… what if it's… you know… too much? I mean, should we be worried about what'll happen when…"

She stared him straight in the eye, her expression illegible. "When we're not fighting alongside the crew?"

"…Yeah."

Robin gingerly folded the knitted cloth in her lap, and a smile crossed her features. "Now dear," she said pleasantly, "our friends are not children, as much as they may act like it sometimes. When the time comes, they'll understand that we're not leaving them to their own devices by choice."

"But this is the _New World,_ and we're talking about _splitting up!" _he blurted a little louder than he had intended to, turning a faint shade of pink when Robin gently placed a finger to her lips. He cleared his throat, voice hushed as he continued. "Okay, yeah, so I know where you're coming from on this. I know we're all super strong, and we've taken on everything the New World has thrown at us so far. But that was when we were _all together_. You and me would be like a giant neon target if we broke away from the pack, especially now that you're… you know…"

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><p><em>Pbbbbt<em>.

Suddenly the little snail blew a raspberry, crossed its eyes, and was silent. Everyone stared, mouths agape, before flying into a panic and clamoring to get their hands on it to make it speak again.

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't know, it's never done this before!"

"USOPP, IF THIS GODDAMN THING ISN'T WORKING AGAIN IN THREE SECONDS—"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT, OKAY? GET OFF MY CASE!"

"So that's it, then…"

It was then that Nami, who was holding Usopp by the throat, Zoro, who was raising his sword as if to bash the snail back to its senses, and Brook, who was laughing hysterically at god-knows-what, all turned to look for the source of the low, oddly composed voice that had come from the opposite side of the room.

Sanji was staring out the window at the open sea, his back turned to his crewmates.

"… Robin-chan and Franky… have decided to leave us."

A heavy silence settled over the room, partially due to the somber realization behind the chef's words, and partially due to everyone's surprise that he wasn't weeping on the floor in the fetal position.

It was Nami who spoke first, albeit tentatively, as if anything she said could break the strong face he seemed to be putting on. "… Sanji-kun-"

"Please try not to be too upset, Nami-san," he interrupted her quietly, still as a stone. "I'm sure there was nothing we could have done to prevent this. After all, wanting to have a home to themselves is… well, it's perfectly normal for newlyweds in lo… lo…"

His shoulders crumpled slightly. Then his legs began to buckle. Then, before anyone knew what was happening, he was on all fours, beating the floorboards with his fist in between screams of, "ROBIN-CHWAAAAAAN! WHY DO YOU SCORN MY FRAGILE HEART?"

Everyone heaved a collective sigh of relief as Sanji returned to his usual man-bitch ways. But as they listened to him sob and drifted aimlessly about the room, Nami, Zoro, Usopp, and Brook decided that if the sting they felt in their chests was any indication, the wailing chef's reaction wasn't as inappropriate as it may have seemed.

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><p>Unaware of the chaos unfolding in the crow's nest above him, Franky obliviously assumed that his was the only heart on the ship that had been put through the emotional juicer that morning.<p>

"Alright, fine, fine." he sighed, fist full of blue hair and eyes cast downward, "Okay, look— maybe you're right, maybe the gang really is ready for a change this big. Maybe it's all me, and I'm just _super_ paranoid. But can you blame a guy for getting a little spooked about the idea of starting a family on a pirate ship, in the middle of the most dangerous ocean in the world?"

She said nothing, and stared blankly into his eyes. Then a strange concoction of frustration and guilt bubbled over in his gut.

"Look, Robin, it's not gonna be as easy as you think it is, all right?" he ran a hand through his hair, feeling like the words were tumbling out of his mouth of their own accord. "Every pirate crew on the planet is punching each other out to get their hands on us, and it's only gonna get worse when they find out we've got a mini-Mugiwara on the way. It's not safe on this ship, even below deck, even if… even if I'm there with you." He bit his lip and paused, letting the meaning of his own words sink in, and all the nightmares of fighting Hody Jones, Rob Lucci, and Gecko Moria at the same time, with all of them gunning after his wife and child, came flooding back to him. "… I mean, what am I gonna do when _I'm _the only one who can take care of you, huh? What if I can't handle it, what if I'm not super enough, what if something _happened _to you or the baby? I'd put garbage juice in my cola bottles, I'd coup-de-burst myself into the sun, God, _I'd hate myself until I di_-"

He let out a yelp as two arms sprung out of the surface of the table in front of him, seized him by the collar of his Hawaiian shirt, and pulled him over the table into a direct collision with his wife's waiting lips, holding him there, still and quiet and full of all the love in the world.

As if in a trance, he let his hands rest on her hips, and her real arms wrapped around his neck, the phantom limbs vanishing in a burst of pastel petals.

When he felt her lips brush away from his own, and the feeling of her hands gently cupping his cheeks brought him back to reality, he opened his eyes to see her smiling at him—a little devious, but with just the right amount of sweetness to balance it out.

"I'm not worried," she said simply, and her expression of complete contentment and trust told him she wasn't lying. "If it were anyone else, I would be. But not with us. Not as long as we're together."

He stared at her over the rim of his sunglasses, like it was the first time he'd ever seen her—captivated. Tentative. Speechless.

She was the only one who could leave him at a loss for what to say (or scream, or sing, as was his larger-than-life nature). And she seemed to be doing it more and more frequently every day— a fact which terrified him, and simultaneously left his metal body feeling lighter than air.

His gaze settled thoughtfully on the table, and he let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. Blocky hands were placed on her thin shoulders, and he quietly rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes with a breath and a smile that said, _"what the hell am I going to do with you?"_

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><p>Nami watched them cavort, unable to hear a word, and felt her heart sink as it all started to come together.<p>

They had been so affectionate over the past two days because they were excited about their new life together, alone, and far away from the crew.

"_Deep down, they must have known this would happen when we got married."_

Truthfully, the navigator had always felt a little sorry for Robin, living with her new husband in what was quite possibly the least romantic setting in the world, never even getting a moment's privacy to enjoy his company. But she had assumed that the newlyweds had stayed on board the Sunny because they were happy there—that they loved their friends, and didn't want to leave them.

"…_there's gonna be a helluva lot of crying around here, and Zoro's gonna slaughter somebody if it interrupts his beauty sleep."_

She felt something well up in her throat. They knew how much it would hurt them—all of them—and yet they could still joke about it so easily?

Did what they felt even matter?

"Oi, I think it's waking up!" Usopp exclaimed suddenly, tapping the little snail's shell with a finger as he placed it gently on the table. Sure enough, its eyes were fluttering sleepily, and a few indistinct noises passed its lips as the crew gathered around to anxiously listen.

"Thank God," Nami breathed, and her sentiment seemed to be mutual among her crewmates. "Maybe they'll give us some answers this time."

Sanji bit his lip, suddenly standing perfectly upright, shoulders held tightly back. "That's right! I have faith in Robin-chan, and I refuse to believe that she would betray us until I hear it from her lips!"

"Shut the hell up, Cook, it's working!"

"_You shut the hell up, you shitty Marimo son of a-"_

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><p>"I was thinking that after we tell them this evening, a little reward might be waiting for you in our cabin..."<p>

"Ooh, what did you have in mind~?"

"Well, it's been a while since I've brushed up on my Clone Fleur technique…"

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><p>"TURN IT OFF! <em>TURN IT THE FUCK OFF!" <em>Nami shrieked, holding her ears and running around the room like she was on fire. In her hysteria, she tripped over Sanji's unconscious, twitching body, landing squarely on top of Brook, who tried to catch a glimpse up her skirt as she toppled over.

Before Usopp could protest, Zoro had smacked the snail with the flat of his blade, and the little creature had spluttered something incomprehensible in Franky's voice before falling into an unconscious slump on the table.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Usopp screeched, scooping up his precious invention into the safety of his palms and staring at it in horror as it blew little spit bubbles in its sleep. "You can't just sword-whip other people's property, you sonuva—aww, hang in there little buddy, daddy's gotcha…"

Zoro simply ignored him, and lowered Wado Ichimonji with a look in his eyes like his soul had just backflipped out of his body. Truthfully, he hadn't been so traumatized since Luffy had come to the brilliant conclusion that because they were together all the time, like Robin and Franky, the swordsman should marry Sanji. "… I can't be around when Robin uses her ability anymore."

"It seems that Franky-san and Robin-san will be having a _ménage à_ _TROCHLEA_ this evening. SKULL JOOOOOKE~!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP," Nami barked, attempting to untangle herself from Brook's limbs and haul herself to her feet, but she slipped and fell in a fresh puddle of Sanji's tears in the attempt. After a fit of colorful swearing, she continued, punching Brook squarely in the jaw to make him let go of her. "Clearly we have a serious problem here, so if you would all stop talking until I figure out what the hell we should do, then maybe I can actually fucking _think_ for one god-given-"

"OOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII."

Nami could have sworn she felt her heart jump and run for cover at the threat of the impending shitstorm signified by that voice. _Not now. Oh God, not now-_

"NAAAAAAMIIIIIIII! WHO ARE YOU GUYS SPYING ON?"

Slowly, she turned to the window, praying to God that she wouldn't see what she knew she was about to.

For there was Luffy, standing by the kitchen door, screaming into the receiver of the emergency-only loudspeaker that boomed throughout the entire ship, waving cheerfully with a beaming Chopper at his side.

And when Nami glanced down to look at Robin, who seemed to be staring straight into her soul despite the height distance between them, she wanted nothing more than to curl up into a little ball and cry.

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><p><em>Thank you so much for reading, and for all of your wonderful reviews! =D<em>


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